The Ugly Laugh

in his country

2010-11-11T11:42:00.001-05:00

* billy: you are SO MEAN to that guy!
* em: who? dr. p?
* b: yeah. you are just so mean to him. meaner than you are to anyone. i just feel bad for him. poor guy.
* em: ... really? do you think so? LOL i guess i did call him a lil bitch and threaten to take him down.
* b: if you were in his country, you would've been stoned by now.
* em: his country? dr. p is from chicago!

At the last gleaming broad stripes.

2010-10-18T16:33:00.000-04:00

Worst national anthem ever.

food of champions

2010-09-12T17:14:00.001-04:00

Emily: i'm hungry. i don't want to eat. but i'm hungry
Maureen: yeah. i have a ball of homemade mozzerella. i may eat that... or, some of that
Emily: lol
Maureen: or in all probablility, all of it.. and some cocoa. fucking food of champions, right there

Yummy Hooves

2010-06-11T14:40:00.000-04:00

On discovering Junior Mints have gelatin in them.

Someone needs to lay off the acid.

2010-05-27T11:48:00.000-04:00

From Tim and Eric.

Aspbergers

2010-03-24T23:23:00.001-04:00

j: His name is August and he's awkward.//
g: Aw. Maybe you should give him a chance.//
j: ... He's AWKWARD.//
g: Well... maybe he has Aspberger's. That's kind of endearing...

Napoleon encore?

2010-03-22T20:59:00.002-04:00

I love Christina Hendricks

2010-02-15T22:45:00.002-05:00

Don't make this weird. Sing.

2009-12-04T15:22:00.000-05:00

Best part of Superbad. No question.

Email fun

2009-11-12T14:19:00.002-05:00

Subject line to Emily on her day off: Because I know you're checking your work email

Body

This is what you missed today:

Me: Gesturing towrads the label printer IN FRONT of Leah- "Hey, is that our new checkout label printer?"
Leah: Stares blankly at it for a few seconds- "Wow, we have one now?"
Me: "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"

NOTE: Confidential Information

Just kidding.

2009-09-27T12:30:00.000-04:00

Weekend Update with Judy Grimes.

The Prime Minister Dance

2009-09-05T23:59:00.000-04:00

Still makes me ugly laugh, after all this time.

Who won?

2009-08-28T19:20:00.001-04:00

Blondie: Do you win the conversation if you feel like you said everything first?

¡Pa Que Sepa!

2009-08-27T01:09:00.000-04:00

Awesome

2009-08-21T18:31:00.002-04:00

emily: Can we talk about how awesome Anne is?
blondie: Can we talk about how you always talk about how awesome everyone is?
emily: Hahaha
blondie: You know what I think when you talk about how awesome everyone is? I think you're awesome.

No words.

2009-07-26T12:40:00.000-04:00

Goat yells like a man.

Playground Mishaps

2009-07-18T01:40:00.002-04:00

I don't know why it's taken me this long to post this.

nuva

2009-07-14T23:25:00.001-04:00

Christian: Can I get 20 nuvarings?
Angie: Sure. Where will you put them
Christian: ::stares:: Uhh.....
::walks away::

3 Date Rule

2009-07-14T20:46:00.002-04:00

Leah- "Man my legs hurt."
Maureen- *heh* *heh* "Yeah they do!"
Emi- "Oooooooh! She called you a hussy!"
Leah- "I don't know what you're talking about Maureen, at least I know the three-date rule, you just be gunnin' it."
*shocked silence*
Emi- "Oooooooooooooooooooh! She told you!!!!!!!!"

Dominican VS Polish

2009-07-03T16:15:00.002-04:00

Emi: Do you like my dominican breakfast?
Maureen: .... your Dominican breakfast tastes suspiciously like a Polish dinner

lol asshole!

Lady & The Tramp

2009-07-03T16:14:00.004-04:00

While eating spaghetti and mushroom meet sauce::

Maureen (to Emi)
"OMG! This is so like Lady and The Tramp!!!"
Emi:
"... So I'm a tramp? .. fuckin bitch"

Languages

2009-07-03T16:11:00.002-04:00

emi: so i thought to myself, "i already know the language! this is perfect!!"
leah: you know portugese?
maureen & emi - ::stare::
emi: ... .... no... they speak spanish in spain.....

2009-06-29T08:35:00.001-04:00

Tih: You are such a stupid slut!
Emi: I am not stupid!

2009-06-23T23:49:00.001-04:00

Zipcar: wheels when you want them. Learn more.

On fetish parties (or orgies in general)

2009-05-31T13:36:00.000-04:00

emily: dude
all that bodily fluid?
oh the STDs
blonde: oh god yes
do you ever think that because we know what we know that maybe we're having less fun than everyone else?
emily: lol
yes

kick his ask!

2009-05-10T20:44:00.001-04:00

On the Topic of Abortions

2009-05-10T10:45:00.001-04:00

maureen: we just don't use that word very often.
emily: yeah, well its an ugly word.
maureen: it is an ugly word. maybe the protesters would leave us alone if we called it a shmoo-shmoo.

hahaha

How many receptionists does it take to sort encounter forms?

2009-05-08T11:11:00.001-04:00

Emily: Can you help me sort these encounter forms?
Me (Maureen): D00d, I already sorted a bunch of these today.
Emily: Do you know how many encounter forms I have to go through a day? This many! *flips me off*
Both: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

drunk friends

2009-03-07T15:33:00.002-05:00

emily: i'm so annoying
jess: i know
emily: i don't know how you guys put up with me
jess: i don't. i drink when i hang out with you

Why is this show unavailable for purchase?

2009-02-22T14:33:00.001-05:00

Kevin James on Underwear Situations

In Response to Dickness

2009-02-21T14:16:00.002-05:00

i recently had a conversation with my shit exboyfriend on why he was irresponsible and a waste of time.
this is jess's response to the copy of our convo::

Jess: "i somewhat miss your company"

i SOMEWHAT think you're a dickbag

Sent at 2:13 PM on Saturday

me: lmao

model goes down- twice!

2009-02-20T01:27:00.002-05:00

my favorite part is that they laugh hysterically at her.
c'mon. who can resist laughing when they're bustin a gut on tv?!

Cupcake Dog

2009-02-14T15:30:00.001-05:00

Cat Fail

2009-02-12T20:02:00.000-05:00

best/worst jump ever.

crawfish extravaganza

2009-02-08T23:09:00.001-05:00

tihna: have you ever had crawfish
emily: no
cassie: ikea has em!
emily: ikea has everything!
cassie: crawfish extravaganza!!!!

fake ketchup

2009-02-08T21:44:00.002-05:00

tihna: this ketchup taste funny!
em: i know. i hate their ketchup?
tihna: mmm.
cassie: what brand is it?
tihna: golds
cassie: maybe it's the tomatos theyre using.
tihna: FAKE ASS KETCHUP!!!

2:15 on a Saturday

2009-02-07T14:15:00.001-05:00

(Out loud)

Maureen: Dudes, dudes, dudes.

(Gchat)

Maureen: d00z

(Out loud)

Maureen: Oh God, I spelled that wrong.

(Gchat)

Jess: 12?
Maureen: d00dz

(Out loud)

Jess: Yeah, I'm the only one here who would have thought that was really funny.
New Girl: Wait, are y'all chatting together online?
Maureen and Jess: No!
Angie: We don't even like each other.

paris lips

2009-01-31T19:02:00.001-05:00

em: i don't think paris has full lips.
tihna: she does.
em: um. no. i think you're wrong.
tihna: compared to the rest of her skinniness?

These Kiwis did NOT watch "The Great Escape"

2009-01-29T11:47:00.003-05:00

Hat tip to the BBC.

On The Topic of Exboyfriends...

2009-01-28T13:52:00.002-05:00

me: do i have a big ego?

jason: like, as in you're arrogant?

me: lol thank you

my ex is telling me i have a big ego

jason: yea, wtf, you're quite humble i'd say, you've just got spunk.

and you're witty

and he's jealous.

me: and im like "... right.. uh... youre obv bitter about something"

jason: yes bitter that's the one

me: lol

he is jealous

bc i have a job that i love

and thatt i dont have to worry about

jason: ahhh

that really gets on some people's nerves

me: because i have a crazy social life, don't care to be tied down to a man that i don't love. lol

jason: he's not bored, he's boring.

me: hahaha

Hiatus

2009-01-26T12:41:00.004-05:00

angie: dude, we need to update uglylaugh. its been a week!
jess: yeah.
angie: its been a week!
jess: umm.. maybe we just haven't been laughing.

j + a: hahahhahahahaha

Dating the Roommates

2009-01-26T12:40:00.000-05:00

Maureen: say it

me: http://uglylaugh.blogspot.com/2009/01/dating.html

Maureen: go head

ass

me: i was GOING to say, "don't go dating all her roommates now"

but then i thought, "too late"

haha

Maureen: i can't date kristine

she's straight

me: lol

i guess youre dafe then?

hahahaha

*safe

aw lame.

burn + mispelling = backfire

Maureen: hahahahaha

serious

At Eastern Standard

2009-01-26T09:55:00.001-05:00

Jess: You know who looks good in berets?
Angie: Who?
Jess: Almost nobody.

Jess: Did I say that loud enough for that girl to hear?

Worst case scenario.

2009-01-18T19:36:00.002-05:00

A conversation between coworkers, about a hugely annoying coworker (let's call her Poppy), via text:

1: My Christmas present to everyone - I got Poppy laid.
2: HOW IS THIS A PRESENT FOR THOSE OF US WHO ARE UNWILLINGLY CELIBATE?
1: Because now she will shut the fuck up.
2: No. She'll still over-elaborate, and now I've got a nasty mental image AND an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy.
1: I'm sorry. :(
2: I mean, aw man, really? Let me just jump out the third floor window I'm sitting next to.
1: Sorry dude I didn't get any either.
2: Then...how COULD you?
1: Mostly it was funny.

xbox

2009-01-17T20:58:00.001-05:00

now i know i'm a horrible person for thinking this is hilarious
but damn, its funny. you gotta be a real bastard to do this to a kid. bahahahahaha

We all want something.

2009-01-16T13:31:00.000-05:00

Maureen: i need to find a good fish place
Angie: i want affection
Maureen: i want a pony
wow
that was kind of dick, huh>?
Angie: LOL
Maureen: zomg ugly laugh
i'm putting it up

obv gobama

2009-01-11T21:14:00.001-05:00

alex: http://www.hardocp.com/images/news/1231627863GiOYXp4XMd_1_1_l.jpg
angie: lol damn
9:10 PM
angie: whoa
angie: eight miles a gallon
angie: is it sad that that bothers me?
alex: yes
alex: wtf do you care about, assassination or fuel economy on something used for local drives
angie: obv gobama
alex: hahahaha

.......

2009-01-11T10:46:00.002-05:00

Sifting through the lost and found box...

2009-01-05T14:28:00.002-05:00

Angie: DUDE, who leaves a jar of INSTANT COFFEE at a Health Clinic?!!
Jess: Girl, I just bought that!

Juicy Directions

2009-01-03T15:31:00.001-05:00

angie: did i really just tell her to eat something juicey?

lol. who is speaking through me?!

i dont say things lke that!

Jess: LOLLLLL

angie: eat something juicy. like an orange. or watermelon

Jess: OR CARROT JUICE

angie: like... grapes.. or a nectarine

Jess: or YO MOMMA

Sent at 3:27 PM on Saturday

angie: gdghkahouqeryo

Jess: LOL

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

SNAP

Sleeping Around

2009-01-03T13:54:00.000-05:00

alex: I've slept with a bunch of people, male and female, over the years

angie: lol hoebag

alex: from people crashing at my place to going camping... I'm such a ho

angie: you totally got the hiv

alex: lmao

Roommates on dating.

2009-01-02T14:45:00.000-05:00

Meghan: you need to be bringing over more attractive boys for me to look at
Maureen: yeah
this old guy thing has got to end
Meghan: agreed
if he is old enough to be your father's contemporary, dont date him
Maureen: ahh, meg-han's rules to live by
Sent at 2:42 PM on Friday
Meghan: haha
hey, i am smarter than i look
Maureen: i think you're going on the blog
Meghan: yessssssssss
and that will be the most productive part of my day

Dating

2009-01-02T11:53:00.000-05:00

Maureen: also i'm finding that he's not as much fun as i am

cuz he's like old

all he ever wants to do is talk

Sent at 11:47 AM on Friday

angie: ......

::ugly laugh::

when'd you start dating chicks?

Sent at 11:48 AM on Friday

Maureen: it's not funny!

except for the part where it's funny

Sent at 11:50 AM on Friday

angie: hehe

Sent at 11:51 AM on Friday

work hazard

2008-12-29T15:11:00.000-05:00

the downside of working at a sexual health clinic::

random guy: hi, i'm a really cute guy and i'd like to make an appointment.
me: sure. what did you need to be seen for?
random guy: i'd like to get testing and i have this lump on my testicle that i need to get checked out
me: ......
Maureen: ZOMG
that's so unfortunate
me: the downside of working here
Maureen: such a freaking tragedy

gchat: Maureen is busy. You may be interrupting.

breathalizer

2008-12-29T13:29:00.000-05:00

Eugene: we should go out and drink and buy a breathalizor and see who wins
Angie: lol
what?
hells no
lol thats retahded
... okay maybe. how much is it?

mistakes

2008-12-29T12:59:00.000-05:00

eugene: fuck you
angie: you already did
eugene: mistake number one

burn

Whitebread

2008-12-29T12:56:00.000-05:00

miranda: i'm whitebread
angie: yes you are
miranda: no... i'm more like oatbread
angie: no... you're whitebread
... what kind of bread am i?
miranda: i don't know... does goya make bread?
angie: ........... i'm going to my room!

After a Greek Dinner....

2008-12-29T12:54:00.000-05:00

miranda: where did you guys go?
eugene: we went to this place called aegean. they served aegean food.... it was kind of like greek.

Classico

2008-12-29T12:47:00.000-05:00

Eugene: does 'Classico' mean classic?
Angie: No... Of course it does!
wtf kind of question was that
Eugene: a dumb one
shh
whateva

Hokey Pokey

2008-12-29T12:15:00.000-05:00

angie: i mean, you know?
eugene: maybe... the hokey pokey really is what its all about.